Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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