My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
This is my gift to your gina
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
