Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
