how can u be prego again
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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