Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
