Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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