It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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