I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
