He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Too much gin, very little bucket
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
