$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize