i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
