glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm both gender and math confused
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
