Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
