Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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