So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
