Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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