I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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