So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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