I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize