We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
