My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
