apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
