Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
