Banned from zoo.
Again?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The air was thick with penises
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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