woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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