I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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