I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
