It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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