been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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