They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize