Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
