Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
