It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
