just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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