the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
