Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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