Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
