Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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