you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
