She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize