I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
