I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
It was confusing and full of hummus
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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