I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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