No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
