He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
