Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
