i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
