I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
we're making bets on your personal life
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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