How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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