After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
