I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
