is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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