Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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