I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
