I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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