Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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