It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
