that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
