God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He kissed a someone with a penis
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
