I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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