Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
