I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
