I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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