I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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