Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
