No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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