Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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