hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
