you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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