The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
