So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
