my mouth tastes like poor choices
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
