Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
