Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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