Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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