I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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