I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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